"Have you ever heard the phrase cockblocking? You know, you’re at a bar, talking to a girl, and what happens? Her less attractive friend comes over and ruins everything. Cockblock. Well I have to tell you something guys: I have been the less attractive friend, and you were NOT cockblocked. I was following orders from my better-looking friend that she did not wanna fuck you. …Girls have two signals for their friends: ‘I’m gonna fuck him’ and ‘HELP.’"-
The number of “get me out of here” tactics women have developed and shared to help each other escape from overly-insistent-to-borderline-predatory dudes in public places should probably be enough evidence of the existence of rape culture all on its own.
I especially like how, in the majority of cases, you don’t have to verbally communicate what your signals are to other women. I’ve had women I didn’t even know come save me. Literally every woman recognizes the “Dear god, help me” facial expression, and knows exactly what they should do. We don’t get a handbook for this. We don’t have a sit-down nail polish party where we talk about a standardized woman code for preventing creepers. It’s just part of being a woman.
BUT LOL RAPE CULTURE DOESN’T EXIST.
Yup. I’ve definitely taken strangers by the arm and pulled her aside to go, “Oh my GOD it’s you! How ARE YOU?!? It’s been so long!” and then been like “hey I could overhear that guy who wouldn’t leave you alone so I figured I’d give you an out” and then see their VISIBLY RELIEVED expressions. This is part of girl code, because rape culture is that pervasive.
I once had a girl sit on my lap and say “hey baby” after she witnessed a guy (who was easily 20+ years older than me) hitting on me and harassing me for my number even after I told him I was taken. After he got up and left she asked if I was okay. I couldn’t thank her enough times, I even bought her a drink.
We have done this. In fact, we are this. Because we are asexual and we don’t like alcohol so we never drink, we have gone with friends to parties/places where our sole job was to keep an eye out for everyone and be the permanent ‘aggressive man-sheild.’ Not one of our female friends has ever questioned this or found it all strange. In fact, often once they realized we were willing to do it, it would be pre-arranged. Every guy friend we ever did this in front of or tried to explain to looked flabbergasted. They had no idea that this was a) an intentional thing, b) a planned ahead thing, or c) universal.
Rape culture is the fact that every woman understands this. Male privilege is the fact that no guy on earth seems to know or understand.
I’ve been asked to pretend to be my friend’s girlfriend every time we go out at night, just because she wears clothes that show off her curves and guys won’t leave her alone. They only back off when I put my arm around her and act as if we’re together romantically, and sometimes not even then.
i once ran interference for a friend, only to receive the unwanted advances myself. he wouldn’t back off until my (male) friend literally wrapped me up in his arms and acted as if he was my S.O.
It happens online too. A guy I know started Facebook-stalking me after a recent interaction, and my roommate immediately got on Facebook and told him she was my girlfriend. He thankfully backed off after that.
I can’t count the number of times I have pretended to be somebody’s girlfriend or sister in a bar when a guy wouldn’t leave her alone. Both with friends and strangers.
After reading these, I feel like taking a shower. Because I’m the designated driver pretty much every time, not being a big fan of alcohol, but I rarely, if ever, intervene. And yeah, I’m small and pretty physically weak, but I could put my foot down verbally if it came down to it. I’m just too scared.
You’re probably scared of confronting the guys. And you should be. That’s what this whole post is about. Rape culture is so prevalent and socially accepted as the rule of the land that if someone confronts a guy and tells him directly to back off, someone is getting hurt. That’s why all of the testimonies here are examples of how to deflect. How women all learn methods of pulling a woman away from a situation with a guy who isn’t allowing her to say no, by making up some lie that will get the guy to let her go without sending him into a rage and deciding to teach you both a lesson about knowing your place and submitting to rape culture. Men are dangerous in these situations because all of society backs them up as just a nice guy who deserves a chance, and vilifies any woman who refuses to give him a chance. Women are not allowed to say no. So other women have to rescue the women saying no and pull them away with some made up excuse. Otherwise the situation will escalate and the ones who get hurt are always the women.
Women absolutely have to learn rescue tactics for each other, but it’s kind of funny how we describe really obvious facial expressions and body language as “secret signals.” The reality is that women telegraph disinterest in these aggressive men, making it super obvious, but men choose to ignore it. Total strangers who are just sitting nearby or happen to glace their way will be able to see that the woman isn’t interested, but the guy making the advances is somehow oblivious? Unlikely.
Victims of sexual assault expect privacy. But 16-year-old Jada was violated all over again once explicit images from her rape surfaced on Twitter. So Jada decided to take her story public.
“There’s no point in hiding,” the Houston teen tells KHOU. “Everybody has already seen my face and my body, but that’s not what I am and who I am.”
I’m sharing this because certain people on twitter NEEDS TO BE STOP! Specially the ignorant side of black twitter! Every time something bad happen to a young black women or black girl twitter is quickly to explode it into something bigger! And Jada story is one of them! She’s a 16 yearls high school student she could be your sister,cousin, neighbor, or classmate! This tragic thing happened to her and these ignorant people on twitter looking for followers exploit this to point where the disgusting hashtag was created #jadapose. People tweeting pictures of themselves in the pose in which Jada was found! What I find even worse about this its that a lot of the people doing these poses are young black men and women. Something like this happen to someone who could possibly be your sister and instead of asking for justice you rather create a new meme? And some of them even argue “oh how do you know she got rape?” Does it matter? a picture of an underage girl laying on the floor looking like she’s passed out is not something be laughed at EVER! Like @_kimberrrly said ”A rape victim’s trauma is not grounds for a new internet meme. Pls do not partake in such ignorance. Report #jadapose pictures.”
I’m happy and proud of Jada for speaking and not letting this disgusting thing becoming any bigger
Which brings me to what I’m trying to ask or say here when will sexual assault towards black girls and young black women will be taking serious by young black people?
i truly don’t understand what kind of world we live in.This is absolutely horrific and abhorrent. Look at how few notes this has. Now watch as the so-called feminists and defenders of women on this site stay silent. The black woman’s body has no value to this society except for how it can be exploited and dehumanized. This is straight up misogynoir. This is an egregious act. This shows how sick our culture is. Rape culture is so pervasive and normalized that many will see nothing wrong with this new meme, much like as was the case with ‘Trayvoning’ (though that was white and non-Black POC racialized violence). This is also why I stay off of twitter.
I saw this on my TL the other day and people were being rape apologist left and right. The pervasiveness of rape culture in this country amongst nearly all social classes and groups is one of the main reasons I hate America & have no hope for it. Complete and total disregard for the humanity of this young black girl. She is brave and I hope she finds justice, healing, and peace. But her rapist(s), those who make excuses for her rapist(s), and those who eagerly exploit this human suffering for RTs and followers deserve to die by fire.
You Me at Six performing at Ruisrock Festival in Turku, Finland, July 2014.
Buda Hills, seen from János-hegy, Budapest, Hungary. May 14th, 2014.
Hortobágyi Madárpark, Hungary. May 18th, 2014.
At the Hortobágy National Park in Eastern Hungary, where the puszta - the Great Plains - are, there is this most awesome place, a bird hospital. It’s all charity work, and all these amazing people volunteer to find and take care of the birds who have hurt themselves by flying to electrical lines, nurturing them back into shape an then releasing them again into nature. If the birds are damaged badly enough and cannot survive in the nature, they will give them their own are to guard and live at, and make sure the rest of their lives are spent as well as possible, without hurting themselves. I loved it. And I loved the birds. Majestetic as fuck.
Glastonbury Tor rising above the Somerset mists, mystically eerie. Gateway to the lands of death.
Gerard Way will play his first solo show at the Reading And Leeds Festival, taking place August 22-24
QOTSA, Arctic Monkey, Blink, Paramore, Vampire Weekend, Jake Bugg, The Hives, Peace, Temples and The 1975 all in one weekend…. fuck
Rudolf Koivu Illustration
One of the most precious things on my bookshelves. These pictures are alive!